I, er, went fishing.

Hello.

Sorry about the year-and-a-half's absence - I got a bit lazy and then a bit busy and now I'm sort of both, but I've realised that if I want to be a writer, the act of writing stuff is sort of necessary, which is, frankly, a pain (except when I've finished something).

It's been a while. I'm now halfway to forty. A drop-out primary teacher. A waitress. A girlfriend. Tattooed.

I've learned several things since we last had a heart-to-heart ("we" being myself and my impressive collection of Four Whole Followers). Here are a few - it's the usual mix of philosophical musings and superficial bollocks; I haven't changed in that sense.

1. I don't have to actually worry any more about biting my nails. I have mastered the knack of sticking on plastic ones and filing them down to look real, which allows me to enjoy both the feeling of having lovely nails and the complete refusal to uphold any willpower regarding the tips of my fingers EVER AGAIN. Which certainly opens up some different options for my New Year's resolutions - although "I will stop eating crap" and "I will attempt to become a normal, social, non-entirely-Netflix-and-junk-food-reliant potato at some point" are still on the annual list.

2. It is a complicated but beautiful thing to begin to share your life with someone else. It means compromise, facing up to your flaws, exposing your most vulnerable side to someone and hoping against hope that they won't trample all over it one day. It means risking everything - but how will you ever meet the moon, if you're too afraid to fly?

3. Some people are absolutely awful when it comes to leaving a tip.

4. The most beautiful thing about life now, in my twenties, is being completely blind to what is around the corner. A few important things are mapped out, but the twisting and turning unpredictability of life is what adds the colour and makes every chapter a story in its own right.

5. I am terrible at managing my time, being responsible and getting important things done, which, almost reassuringly, tells me I haven't grown up yet. GOOD. One day I might be organised and smug, with hair that does as it's told, a gym membership and a sensible car - but my twenties are a time for flustered jogs back home for my keys, spending the last of my account balance on Chinese food and turning up the volume on my headphones all the way past the legally recommended level.

6. I have made the choice between what is right and what is easy. I have chosen to write a new path for myself and I feel brave.

7. Lastly (because 7 is my favourite number and I am a cliche), Taylor Swift just gets better. She JUST. GETS. BETTER.

So that's my list. There is so much more that I have learned and experienced in this time - it has been a rollercoaster - some of which I'll probably share at a later date, and some that I'll keep under my hat. But I'm learning every day, and I can feel myself changing and growing and making progressively more important life decisions. I'm filled with excitement and fear and confusion and happiness, and it's overwhelming, but I'm still here, and still enjoying the ride.

Catch you on the flip side x

Change (your socks every day).

Life is a funny old business.
At the moment, mine is completely different to what it's been for the past 18 years, and this massive change has given me reason to think about that.

From what I've gathered, as children, we take our carefree existence for granted; as teenagers, we can't wait to get out there and start being independent, and escape stuff like our mothers nagging us about how a plate of baked beans for dinner every day is not acceptable, and nor is throwing the freshly laundered pile of clothes we were just handed into the rubble at the bottom of our wardrobes. And then one day, we pack up our possessions and head off somewhere new. And that night, in our lonely new beds, we wonder why we ever left.

In my worst moods here, I find myself wishing I could go home, shut the front door on the rest of the world and never venture out again. At times like these, I find it hard to accept that now is the time for me to start looking after myself. It seems incredibly unfair that I'm not able to stay at home all day, reading Harry Potter, play-fighting with my dad and watching the Great British Bake-Off with my mum.

It frustrates me how change disturbs me so much. I can't handle it at all. And yet without change, there'd be no point to anything. Nothing would ever have happened. Life is change.

At my age, this is the time where everything changes. In a way, it comforts me, knowing that although none of my friends moved abroad like I did, they're all going through drastic changes as well. For some of them, the distance issue is just as great as it is for me. For others, they may be closer to home but finding themselves lonelier than usual - not seeing their old friends every day. It's difficult, but exciting all the same.

As for me, I'm looking forward to striking a balance between home comforts and independence when I start University in my home county, Yorkshire, next September. And thankfully, this time I'm spending away from home right now will prepare me for what's coming, and I should be able to face that with no issues after facing something like this.

So I suppose I'm saying what everybody always says. Change is difficult, but necessary, and useful in many ways. How very grown up and philosophical of me. But what I wouldn't give to be sat at home, with my Mum and Dad, like we used to.

*

And from the sublime to the ridiculous, according to my Spam inbox, I've just won $1,500,000.00 for the second time this month. I can finally afford my unicorn! ^^

Lessthanthree.